


Savage love

by Pink_Peony



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Episode One, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of kissing, M/M, Pre-Canon, mentions of Bo Waldenbeck, mentions of rose - Freeform, the cabin scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 12:31:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11851623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_Peony/pseuds/Pink_Peony
Summary: He hasn’t even put a name on it yet, becausehe’s just not that guy.





	Savage love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whispered_story](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/gifts).



> There are so many really good philkas fics out there, but I just can't let the boys go and I had to write about what I wanted to read myself. Some philkas authors have written expertly about the cabin scene, but I can never really seem to let go of it; it's really made an impact on me. So here's my version.
> 
> I'm gifting this story to Anna (whispered_story), a terrific writer whose philkas fanfics have left an unforgettable impression on my mind and who has gracefully accepted my unwavering appreciation of her works and motivated me to keep writing.

Red Hook High’s new student is everything Lukas never thought he’d ever want. He’s all broad shoulders and narrow hips, firm jaw and deep soft voice. And he’s almost as tall as Lukas. 

Philip is stubborn, straightforward and unashamed, and he’s Lukas’ friend in secret because Lukas can’t afford anyone knowing about his feelings for Philip. He hasn’t even told Philip. He’s barely acknowledged them himself. But Philip is both smart and understanding, and very forgiving, so he puts up with the secrecy for now. 

Lukas is grateful in silence.

Philip is the only thing Lukas can think about. His curly, dark hair. His coffee brown eyes, lashes long and thick like on a girl. The smirk he wears above the collar of his vintage leather jacket when they’re alone. Those pouting lips.

_God_ , his lips. They’ve been Lukas’ virtual undoing every night in the darkness of his own room, since Philip first showed up at Red Hook High two months ago. It took Lukas almost two weeks to gather enough courage to talk to him. But not at school. No, never at school. Being the New Kid, Philip was immediately doomed an outsider, and Lukas being the Popular Kid, he just couldn’t be seen fraternizing with him. Lukas made that very clear and Philip – well he just went with it. Lukas was kind of his only friend so what choice did Philip really have?

**~**

School is a nightmare. He’s been trying so hard not to fall, but every time he sees Philip walk down the hallway unpretentious and cute, every course they attend together where Philip’s profile is the only thing blocking his vision, there’s a pull on Lukas’ heart.

He’s been thinking about Philip all day. From the second he woke up sleepy and barely able to get out of bed, the dream still holding him under the covers, to the moment he sees Philip sitting behind his desk in class. Lukas stands in the hallway peering in, already late for his own class. He sighs and walks away.

Lukas isn’t gonna last. He isn’t gonna last, he can _feel_ it. He’s going to do something crazy, something so unlike him it will shake up his world completely. And he doesn’t know if he’ll survive it.

**~**

They meet at the old tunnel only a little ways away from school. Lukas arrives first; he has a dirt bike after all, it goes way faster than Philip’s old wreck on wheels. The tunnel is narrow and short and for pedestrians only. It’s off the beaten path and it suits Lukas perfectly. It’s somewhere he can feel safe meeting Philip; their secret place.

Lukas is impatient. Thinking about Philip for a whole day without being able to lock eyes with him, hear the sound of his voice or feel Philip’s touch is draining him. When Philip lays his hands around his waist while on the dirt bike, it’s the closest Lukas comes to a hug; the closest he’s been to a hug in _years_ except for Rose. But he feels nothing with Rose; nothing but amicable. With Philip – it’s different.

Philip sets his heart on fire just by existing. When they’re together it takes everything Lukas has not to touch him in ways boys shouldn’t touch other boys. It’s exhausting to hold back, to not know if Philip feels the same way. If the rumors at school are true, then maybe there’s a chance he does, but Lukas dares not try his luck. If he fucks up, things will never be the same again after, and he could never go back because Philip would know and that…is just not something he wants to think about. He doesn’t want anyone to know what moves his soul so deeply he sometimes feels like crying. Doesn’t want anyone to find out Philip has stirred up some feelings he thought he’d never have for anyone. Can’t have people guessing he might be _that guy_ ; the guy his dad _definitely_ doesn’t want him to be. The guy Rose doesn’t even _suspect_ he could be. The guy he _could_ be for Philip if Philip wanted to, and if Lukas only _dared_. 

He hasn’t even put a name on it yet, because _he’s just not that guy_.

Life is complicated enough right now between practicing for future races, homework, chores, and trying not to cross his dad. It’s exhausting already to keep their friendship a secret this way when all Lukas wants is to be able to be himself around Philip, around dad, around everyone. He knows he can’t. It would ruin everything. He’s already a disappointment to his father. 

The wall he’s built between himself and the world is a fragile one, prone to break at the slightest pressure. 

Every other night he wakes up from a nightmare, shaking, bathed in sweat. He never knows exactly what the nightmares are about. The only thing he remembers is him standing naked and exposed in front of everyone he knows, trying to cover himself up while Philip is lurking in the shadows.

**~**

 

Philip isn’t lurking now. He’s pedaling fast towards the tunnel, Lukas can hear him before he sees him. When Philip comes in to sight, his cheeks flushed red from the rush, Lukas let’s out a quiet and relieved sigh. He never knows how long Philip will put up with him, with being friends in secret, and Lukas isn’t ready to let anyone know that he has befriended the New Kid, nor to let Philip go if he suddenly wanted to. 

Maybe he should be a bit more friendly towards him, instead of just making him record videos of Lukas riding his dirt bike. Maybe they could ride the bike up to his father’s hunting cabin by the lake; he knows they must have some beer stored away up there after their last fishing trip this summer. Hopefully there’s enough to get drunk and make Lukas forget about school, peer pressure and his dad for a while. _He bets Philip would look cute drunk too_ – 

That thought is so quickly wiped off his mind he doesn’t even flinch when he opens his mouth to ask Philip if he wants to go. 

“So my dad has a cabin up by the lake about half an hour from here. There’s beer stored in the fridge. I kinda feel like getting drunk and forget about school and shit for a while. You wanna go?”

Philip looks at him a little surprised, as if he can’t believe Lukas would actually invite him inside, even if it’s just a cabin with no one else around; as if he can’t believe Lukas would even _consider_ spending a Friday night with Red Hook High’s freaking outsider. But Philip is not one to let an opportunity pass him by. Free beer and time to spend with his only friend in Tivoli, that’s too good to let go. Lukas kinda knows this, he’s not stupid.

“Yeah, sure,” Philip says without hesitating, his breathing still a little uneven. He barely got there before the question popped up. “Are we gonna go shoot first? The light is really good right now. The footage would be awesome.”

“Yeah, let’s do that. Leave the bike and get on behind me,” Lukas smiles at him, handing him the spare helmet as he straddles the dirt bike. Philip doesn’t hesitate, there’s even a smirk lurking at the corner of his mouth, but he hides it quickly, puts on the helmet and gets on the bike. His arms wind around Lukas’ waist, his hands securing him in a tight hug. Lukas sighs. This is the only thing that matters. The bike under him; Philip behind him, so close he can feel his chest heaving with every breath. The world fades away and there’s only two boys on a dirt bike, riding through the woods on a Friday afternoon, no one missing them until late. They have all the time in the world. Lukas feels free.

~

Old and shabby, the cabin is situated along the shores of a lake, far into the woods of Dutchess county, but still on Bo Waldenbeck’s land. Lukas’ father comes up here only to hunt deer in October, or to go fishing during the summer, so Lukas is confident they won’t be disturbed. No one will find out that he chose to spend a Friday night with the new freak in town instead of making out with his girlfriend Rose under the covers of her bed. He never knows what to do when Rose clings to him and says that she loves him, kisses full of promises he’s never asked for. What he does know is that he’s the only one to blame; he’s the one stringing her along. 

Lukas likes Rose. Just not the way she wants and thinks that he does. And here he is, alone with Philip, the only person able to set his heart on fire, the only person he wants to be with. A boy he isn’t supposed to like this way. What a mess.

It’s a short ride from the quarry to the cabin, and by the time they’re there, Lukas’ belly is doing funny things like flutter and clench just thinking about being alone with Philip inside, somewhere none of his friends – not even Rose, have been before. 

The thing is, they’ve always been together outside, in the woods, in the quarry, at the tunnel, on the road driving somewhere. Never behind walls, in a remote place, completely shielded from the world. Lukas feels both free and trapped. Free because no one is here to judge him. He doesn’t really think Philip would ever do that. Philip is the kind of person who would encourage him to be what he wants to be. Trapped because he’s afraid of what he might do now that they’re all alone. It’s not like he’s going to initiate something; he can’t afford being rejected, it would crush him completely. But it’s been increasingly harder to keep his own reactions to Philip’s touch, to Philip’s gaze, to the sound of Philip’s voice under control. Philip’s mere presence makes Lukas want to burst; tear his chest open and bare his soul. It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff, afraid to jump but still inclined to do so, because the pull from the ground is so strong it’s like a magnet. Lukas just needs a little nudge and he’d be flying – or falling dead to the ground. He doesn’t want to think of either. 

Whatever; he wouldn’t be able to go back. The world would never be the same again.

Philip is posting the latest recording to Lukas’ youtube channel as they enter the cabin. He’s still excited about the jump they made over an old bathtub lying outside and his face is radiating joy as he looks back at Lukas. Lukas can’t help but grin as he walks over to the small fridge looking for beer. He finds a lone bottle, but it’s ok, they can share. He tosses it over to Philip who’s sitting on the bed glancing down at his phone. “Don’t drop it,” he says as the bottle lands on the floor, and Philip laughs picking it up. “Are you kidding me?” His smile is the cutest thing Lukas has ever seen.

“Nice!” Lukas laughs too, and Philip opens the bottle and takes a swig, his hands covered in beer, before handing it to Lukas. Philip dries his hands off on his pants, still chuckling. The video he uploaded gets lots of hits in a matter of minutes and Lukas can’t help but praise Philip’s recording skills.

“You’re amazing…” He looks right at Philip and their eyes lock and his stomach twists and _what did he just say?_ “I-I mean, you’re awesome.” The sudden silence between them is loaded, full of something Lukas can’t describe.

The look Philip gives him makes Lukas want to avert his gaze but he can’t, he just can’t, and he knows he should because Philip is leaning in and he kinda saw this coming the moment he so stupidly said those words and yet it still takes him by surprise. Philip is so close now he can’t focus, doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, so he does what he thinks he must and slaps him, pushing him away. “What the hell are you doing?!” The words bursting out of him in an angry rush.

“N-nothing, I – uh…Philip turns away covering his face. He looks so vulnerable Lukas wants to scream. Inside his head there’s a little voice rejoicing at the fact that Philip actually wouldn’t reject him if he – _oh my god_ , he can’t even think about it. It just blows his mind. He’s just so confused.

“So, eh, so I got a ton of air on those jumps, huh?” Lukas feels stupid. Small-talk isn’t exactly his forte, and he’s backpedaling so hard he’s blushing. “Yeah, those whips aren’t easy.” Philip doesn’t want to look at him and Lukas wants to cry. He doesn’t know why it has to be this way.

“I didn’t say they were.” Philip’s answer is short and dismissive, almost just a whisper.

“I thought you were into motocross?” Wasn’t that why Philip agreed to record and take pictures of him riding and jumping? Wasn’t that why he chose to spend every other afternoon with Lukas? 

So he doesn’t have other friends. But motocross? That stuff’s only for – 

“No. I’m not actually, so…” Philip rises from the bed they’re sitting on ready to leave, his face completely blank and shut off and Lukas just can’t let him do that; can’t let him leave like that, can’t believe he hurt the one person he can’t go an entire day, or night, without thinking about.

“Hey, no. Hey, hey. Hey, sit down, sit down.” Lukas grabs his arm and pulls him back down to sit beside him. The incredulous look on Philip’s face is mirrored on Lukas’ because he can’t believe what he’s about to do, what he has to do, what he _wants_ to do. He casts a glance out the window just to see if someone’s looking, but of course, no one is, they’re in the middle of the woods for Christ’s sake. He grabs at Philip’s arm again, tentatively, Philip’s leather jacket just being in the way; he wants it gone. It makes Philip feel like a stranger but he isn’t; he’s the only one Lukas wants to let in, the only person who would let Lukas in, and Lukas might have blown his chances.

Lukas isn’t sure what to do so he acts on instinct. One hand holds Philip’s arm firmly, as if to stop him from leaving; the other comes to palm Philip’s cheek as he leans in and pecks at Philip’s lips. Just a peck. He doesn’t even close his eyes because this, this is just doing Philip a favor. But Philip, oh Philip…his _look_ , he can’t believe what just happened, rejection burning hot and red on his face, but he leans in again and meets Lukas half way and Lukas, still cupping his cheek, still holding Philip firmly, surprisingly wanting more…Lukas can’t hold back anymore. He surges forward and connects their lips again and never has he felt more _alive_ , never more _connected_ to another human being, and he just wants more and more and more – 

“Wait, wait, wait!” 

It’s his own voice. And no, no, no, he doesn’t want this to end, doesn’t want to stop, but he cannot believe what’s happening. How can this feel so – so good? Philip looks dazed and confused and Lukas his holding his precious face in his hands, tracing his beautiful cheek bones, wondering if he looks the same. He leans in again because he can’t stop, doesn’t want to stop, and they kiss frantically, lips moving together, tongues brushing, breathing uneven. How’s this so different from kissing Rose? How is it that this feels a thousand times better? The thought of Rose makes him stop again and a stern voice in his head tells him that this is wrong, wrong, _wrong!_

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What if someone sees us?” Lukas can’t help it. The fear inside him is as strong as the want.

“Yeah, like a squirrel?” Philip is being slightly sarcastic but this is no joke to Lukas.

“No one’s gonna know about this, because you’re never gonna tell them.” It’s the stern voice in him speaking. It has to stay between the two of them. It has to. It’s their secret and no one can know.

Philip just looks at him with hooded hungry eyes and swollen lips and Lukas - Lukas is helpless. He’s never seen that look in his life; has never known the meaning behind such a look; has never had it directed at him, _ever_. It’s shocking and intoxicating and electric. It’s like melting into fire and wanting to stay; like having his soul ripped out of his body and laid bare. The way Philip kisses him…hungry, chasing after his lips, his tongue licking around his own, holding onto it, sucking at it and oh God – _God_ , it’s deliciously smooth and soft and sweet and Lukas is a goner.

He tugs at Philip’s jacket without disconnecting their lips, just wants it gone, and Philip gets it. His hands were on Lukas’ chest, clutching at his shirt, but he removes them to take off his jacket and Lukas moans, it feels like a loss. They kiss feverishly, frantically, tugging at each other and their clothes until their shirts are tossed on the floor and their chests are flushed together, Philip sitting in Lukas’ lap and _boy_ does that feel good. Lukas holds him close, runs his hands up and down his back, marveling at the softness of Philip’s skin, looking him straight in the eyes and baring his soul. The look on Philip’s face as he traces Lukas’ jaw, clutching at him, tugging at his hair, surging forward to kiss and suck and nibble at his neck; the sounds he makes…it’s more than Lukas can handle. It’s overwhelming him to the point that he can’t breathe and he needs a little space, a little break, but he doesn’t want to stop, can’t stop.

He pushes Philip down onto the bed to lie on his back and Philip does willingly, never breaking eye contact. His mouth is slightly agape, his breathing ragged but his gaze steady; he reaches for Lukas with both arms wide open, as if to welcome him in a giant and warm hug and who is Lukas to deny himself that? To deny Philip what he wants to give?

For a while there’s only heavy breathing and soft touches between them. Lips tracing collarbones. Fingers tracking ribs. Eyes caressing faces. It’s wonderful and breathtaking and Lukas has never been so close to anyone before, never _felt_ so close, and that’s the only thing that matters – until their pelvises touch and oh

_Oooh_

Lukas is hard and Philip is hard and their lengths are rubbing against each other through layers of jeans and underwear and the sensation is almost unbearable. Lukas is hungry for more and he palms himself without even registering it but Philip notices. He cups Lukas’ neck, drags him down until their lips touch again and kisses him stupid as he bucks up to meet him and Lukas forgets that he’s not supposed to be gay and _oh God_ there is no going back after this. How can they ever part after –

“Hey” Philip whispers and suddenly there’s a condom in his hand and Lukas freaks out because _no going back doesn’t mean he’s going all the way and he’s not gay and that’s it._

He’s finally put a name on it and it terrifies him.

“Are you kidding me? I’m not doing that!” He sits back up on his knees, glancing down at Philip with a skeptical look, insecurity radiating off of him. He feels so naked.

“Sorry. It’s just – everyone in the city carries one.” Philip props himself up on his elbows, as if he can’t stand Lukas suddenly being so far away when he was just so close…

“You’ve done this before?”

“Yeah. It’s ok, it’s ok.” Philip’s voice is soothing; he cups Lukas’ neck again, runs his hand over the nape and pulls him down, kisses him passionately. He doesn’t push Lukas into something he isn’t ready for, just keeps on kissing him and holding him and Lukas is lost lost _lost_ to the world and everything in it. 

Philip is righting all the wrongs and that’s all that matters, right here and right now. When tomorrow comes they can worry about the rest.

**Author's Note:**

> As you might have noticed I've refrained from describing the interruption by the Vescovis. I thought it had no place here. We know it's coming, but for now, let's just enjoy the boys having a good time alone.


End file.
